Weblog

Monday, 06 July 2009

  • Staring at Life Through Different Windows

    Why does it bother me so much that we don't have the same outlook on life?  We aren't dating, yet, officially, whatever you want to call it, but occasionally I will bring up the topic of marriage, kids, or something to do with the future.  Now, I don't expect to be with him in that time frame, but the fact that he has a different goal in life bothers me.  Maybe it's the fact that he doesn't have a goal at all, at least none that I know of.  Anyway, I want the (a)typical American dream, married with kids.  He on the other hand isn't so fond of the whole idea.  He doesn't like kids and his parents marriage has made him skeptical.  Our approaches to life are totally opposite; I tend to think and over-think things, he just doesn't think about anything at all.  I should give him more credit than that though.  He's not completely useless (I'm joking, I'm joking).  I do admire how mentally strong he is.  Some days I wish I had his will and brashness.  He says what's on his mind, which means he never lies.  He'll give the honest and brutal truth and not shrug a shoulder.
    Though all these traits are great, his somewhat lack of direction makes me wonder if I should even bother dating him.  I say that because his average dating period is about a year, mine is about a month.  If through some miracle, we last a month, we'll last for a long time.  And I mean it when I say this.  I want a long-term relationship.  I want to know what it feels like to be in love for that long and actually be with someone.  (I've been in love with someone for that long, we just never dated...again...long story.)  I believe I can have that with him.  But, if we aren't going to end on the same page later down the road, to whatever milestone that may be, does that say anything about his commitment level?  Does that say that he is one to be fine with how the way things are?  So many questions are running through my mind; but I'll ask these: Would you date someone knowing that their outlook on life/life goals differ(s) from yours?

Monday, 22 June 2009

Friday, 19 June 2009

  • "It's Not Like We're Dating"

    But it sure felt that way.  I met this guy online about two months ago.  From what his profile read, he didn't seem like he had a personality let alone did he look my type.  I messaged him on day and that was when I entered this roller coaster ride.  The very first day we talked we hit it off instantly.  We'd cuss at each other, joke on each other, act as if we were best buds that had known each other for years.  It was a great start in my book.  About two weeks later, we both vocalized how we felt about each other.  We had a strong connection.  I liked him a lot.  I stayed up late just to talk to him after work, waited by my phone for a text or call; I was sprung to say the least.  It was definitely apparent that he liked me too.  He had never been with a guy before, so he was kinda apprehensive with sharing these feelings.  I would always ask him if he's ok feeling the way he does. He said his feelings were genuine, he wouldn't lie.  I believed him.  He was the first guy where things were going well since I've moved here.  The first good thing going for me for awhile, so there was some understandable excitement that came with this. 
    Fast forward about three more weeks.  I had just got back from my trip to Cedar Point and I was talking to him through IM.  For the past week he's been talking about how his job has been bothering him by changing his hours.  I told he could always quit, then he said that he might just move out to Ohio if he gets this one job.  I was stunned.  My mind started racing and my heart was trying to keep up.  It took every ounce of strength in my body to type a reply.  I put it in such a childish way that even he would understand:

    me: you....ohio....me.....X
    him: yea...
    me: that's kinda far....

    Then he delivered the knockout punch.  Just when I thought he'd say something sweet to make it all better, he says:

    him:     its not like we're dating

    I couldn't believe what I just read.  That little phrase erased everything I thought about him.  Everything we ever said to each other suddenly didn't mean a thing.  I never would have said anything if he felt that way!  I was confused and angry; I still am.  Why would you give me this feeling of security and love if it wasn't genuine.  When you said you don't lie, you don't.  But you did.  You said you could see us together, but I guess you didn't mean anytime soon.  I have used this phrase before and now I know the damage it can do.  I vow to never use it again.  But that leaves me to wonder...If two people are acting like they're dating, yet aren't "officially", to me it's the same thing.  Making it official is a cop-out and an excuse if that is the only way for you to act a certain way or say certain things.  Then again that is my extreme opinion.

    So that begs the question, have you ever used this phrase before or have you been the victim of it? 

Monday, 11 August 2008

  • Ms. Dating?

    I know I don't.  Though I used to complain on a daily basis about my single status, now I praise it; for the moment being that is.  I can thank the general public for that.  Well, that and my friends.  A week ago I was talking to a friend of mine who told me that he was cheated on four times by his SO.  I asked him why he didn't leave him and his answer was, "I love him."  Hearing that made me squirm.  Not that fact that he loved someone, but that he loved someone so much that it's blinding his judgment.  He said that I've never loved someone that much.  I have loved someone like that, but I had to realize that I was only hurting myself if I stayed.

    With that whole incident, it had me thinking; why would I miss dating?  With the cheating, blinding love, devoting time and money, and other factors, I'm glad that I'm single.  It sounds like a selfish thing, but I think you have to be a little bit selfish to survive.  You have to be able to find things to keep you occupied and engaged.  Also, if you're single long enough, it can be a great time to for growth.  Time alone allows you to reevaluate where you are in life and catch up on things you missed while you were cruising in the fast lane.  My questions are: What do you not miss about dating/relationships?  Is being single as bad as everyone thinks?  And for those who do love being in relationships, why do you love them so much?

Sunday, 10 August 2008

  • No really, I am.

    In the world we live in today, gay people and online dating sites go together like peanut butter and jelly.  It's a sad fact, but it's the truth.  As a gay teen, these sites become your home; a place to meet other people experiencing the same things you are and maybe meeting someone.  With the selection of your dating "preferences", you won't get people you aren't looking for. 

    But of course there's always one site (Myspace or Facebook) where one may not want to disclose their orientation for whatever reason.  By hiding it, you can then get messages from unwanted people.  I hid mine, and now I'm in a sticky situation.  Now, I've been in this postion before, and I flat out come out to them.  They magically disappear after that.  But this time is different, and I'm not sure why.  I do enjoy talking to her, but I think she's only talking to me in hopes of something more.  I went as far as posting a blog about it.  Specifically pointing out how I need to come clean, but "I don't have the heart do it".

    So now, I'm still stuck.  I haven't mentioned anything about me being gay to her.  I think she really wants something to happen between us.  I pose the question; has anyone been in this situation before?  Have you been confronted by someone of the same or opposite sex in a hope for something more than friendship?  If so, how did you let them know you weren't interested?
  • Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Though I do have a Xanga, I thought I'd hop on over here since I think I'll be needing this in the near future!

Weblog

Monday, 06 July 2009

  • Staring at Life Through Different Windows

    Why does it bother me so much that we don't have the same outlook on life?  We aren't dating, yet, officially, whatever you want to call it, but occasionally I will bring up the topic of marriage, kids, or something to do with the future.  Now, I don't expect to be with him in that time frame, but the fact that he has a different goal in life bothers me.  Maybe it's the fact that he doesn't have a goal at all, at least none that I know of.  Anyway, I want the (a)typical American dream, married with kids.  He on the other hand isn't so fond of the whole idea.  He doesn't like kids and his parents marriage has made him skeptical.  Our approaches to life are totally opposite; I tend to think and over-think things, he just doesn't think about anything at all.  I should give him more credit than that though.  He's not completely useless (I'm joking, I'm joking).  I do admire how mentally strong he is.  Some days I wish I had his will and brashness.  He says what's on his mind, which means he never lies.  He'll give the honest and brutal truth and not shrug a shoulder.
    Though all these traits are great, his somewhat lack of direction makes me wonder if I should even bother dating him.  I say that because his average dating period is about a year, mine is about a month.  If through some miracle, we last a month, we'll last for a long time.  And I mean it when I say this.  I want a long-term relationship.  I want to know what it feels like to be in love for that long and actually be with someone.  (I've been in love with someone for that long, we just never dated...again...long story.)  I believe I can have that with him.  But, if we aren't going to end on the same page later down the road, to whatever milestone that may be, does that say anything about his commitment level?  Does that say that he is one to be fine with how the way things are?  So many questions are running through my mind; but I'll ask these: Would you date someone knowing that their outlook on life/life goals differ(s) from yours?

Monday, 22 June 2009

Friday, 19 June 2009

  • "It's Not Like We're Dating"

    But it sure felt that way.  I met this guy online about two months ago.  From what his profile read, he didn't seem like he had a personality let alone did he look my type.  I messaged him on day and that was when I entered this roller coaster ride.  The very first day we talked we hit it off instantly.  We'd cuss at each other, joke on each other, act as if we were best buds that had known each other for years.  It was a great start in my book.  About two weeks later, we both vocalized how we felt about each other.  We had a strong connection.  I liked him a lot.  I stayed up late just to talk to him after work, waited by my phone for a text or call; I was sprung to say the least.  It was definitely apparent that he liked me too.  He had never been with a guy before, so he was kinda apprehensive with sharing these feelings.  I would always ask him if he's ok feeling the way he does. He said his feelings were genuine, he wouldn't lie.  I believed him.  He was the first guy where things were going well since I've moved here.  The first good thing going for me for awhile, so there was some understandable excitement that came with this. 
    Fast forward about three more weeks.  I had just got back from my trip to Cedar Point and I was talking to him through IM.  For the past week he's been talking about how his job has been bothering him by changing his hours.  I told he could always quit, then he said that he might just move out to Ohio if he gets this one job.  I was stunned.  My mind started racing and my heart was trying to keep up.  It took every ounce of strength in my body to type a reply.  I put it in such a childish way that even he would understand:

    me: you....ohio....me.....X
    him: yea...
    me: that's kinda far....

    Then he delivered the knockout punch.  Just when I thought he'd say something sweet to make it all better, he says:

    him:     its not like we're dating

    I couldn't believe what I just read.  That little phrase erased everything I thought about him.  Everything we ever said to each other suddenly didn't mean a thing.  I never would have said anything if he felt that way!  I was confused and angry; I still am.  Why would you give me this feeling of security and love if it wasn't genuine.  When you said you don't lie, you don't.  But you did.  You said you could see us together, but I guess you didn't mean anytime soon.  I have used this phrase before and now I know the damage it can do.  I vow to never use it again.  But that leaves me to wonder...If two people are acting like they're dating, yet aren't "officially", to me it's the same thing.  Making it official is a cop-out and an excuse if that is the only way for you to act a certain way or say certain things.  Then again that is my extreme opinion.

    So that begs the question, have you ever used this phrase before or have you been the victim of it? 

Monday, 11 August 2008

  • Ms. Dating?

    I know I don't.  Though I used to complain on a daily basis about my single status, now I praise it; for the moment being that is.  I can thank the general public for that.  Well, that and my friends.  A week ago I was talking to a friend of mine who told me that he was cheated on four times by his SO.  I asked him why he didn't leave him and his answer was, "I love him."  Hearing that made me squirm.  Not that fact that he loved someone, but that he loved someone so much that it's blinding his judgment.  He said that I've never loved someone that much.  I have loved someone like that, but I had to realize that I was only hurting myself if I stayed.

    With that whole incident, it had me thinking; why would I miss dating?  With the cheating, blinding love, devoting time and money, and other factors, I'm glad that I'm single.  It sounds like a selfish thing, but I think you have to be a little bit selfish to survive.  You have to be able to find things to keep you occupied and engaged.  Also, if you're single long enough, it can be a great time to for growth.  Time alone allows you to reevaluate where you are in life and catch up on things you missed while you were cruising in the fast lane.  My questions are: What do you not miss about dating/relationships?  Is being single as bad as everyone thinks?  And for those who do love being in relationships, why do you love them so much?

Sunday, 10 August 2008

  • No really, I am.

    In the world we live in today, gay people and online dating sites go together like peanut butter and jelly.  It's a sad fact, but it's the truth.  As a gay teen, these sites become your home; a place to meet other people experiencing the same things you are and maybe meeting someone.  With the selection of your dating "preferences", you won't get people you aren't looking for. 

    But of course there's always one site (Myspace or Facebook) where one may not want to disclose their orientation for whatever reason.  By hiding it, you can then get messages from unwanted people.  I hid mine, and now I'm in a sticky situation.  Now, I've been in this postion before, and I flat out come out to them.  They magically disappear after that.  But this time is different, and I'm not sure why.  I do enjoy talking to her, but I think she's only talking to me in hopes of something more.  I went as far as posting a blog about it.  Specifically pointing out how I need to come clean, but "I don't have the heart do it".

    So now, I'm still stuck.  I haven't mentioned anything about me being gay to her.  I think she really wants something to happen between us.  I pose the question; has anyone been in this situation before?  Have you been confronted by someone of the same or opposite sex in a hope for something more than friendship?  If so, how did you let them know you weren't interested?
  • Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Though I do have a Xanga, I thought I'd hop on over here since I think I'll be needing this in the near future!

DialogDistance

  • Visit DialogDistance's Datingish Site
    • Name: Quentin
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 8/10/2008

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About Me

  • I'm a writer. Pure and simple, unlike my life sometimes. I write lyrics, though I can't sing well. I put them to acoustic guitar; that I can't do so well either. What I'm good at though is getting my point across. No matter what it is. I write because it is my life, I write because of my life, I write for my life. Other than that I'm your normal 18 year old college student- broke. "Verba volant, scripta manent" [Latin for: Words fade away, writings remain.]

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